“When David’s envoys came to Hanun in the land of the Ammonites to express sympathy to him, the Ammonite commanders said to Hanun, “Do you think David is honoring your father by sending envoys to you to express sympathy? Haven’t his envoys come to you only to explore and spy out the country and overthrow it?” (1 Chronicles 19:2-3 NIV)
It’s interesting to me how easily we recognize projection in Bible stories, movie scenes and even in the lives of others, yet it is so challenging to identify projection in the pages of our own story.
Psychological projection is the mental process by which people attribute to others what is in their own minds.
In today’s reading, King David had a good working relationship with his neighbor, King Nahash. Nahash ruled over Amnon, a country east of the Jordan river and out-of-bounds for Israel’s inheritance. (Not part of God’s package for His people). Nahash passed away and David sought to honor his ally and express condolences to his son, Hanun. A continued cordialness between nations could have been cultivated through this one act of kindness.
Instead, Hanun’s advisors thought otherwise. They proposed that David was only spying out the land to look for weakness. (This is where projection comes into play.) If Hunan and his advisors had known anything about their neighbors, they would have known that the Israelites were only ever interested in securing God-ordained borders, they weren’t out to obtain additional land holdings. Besides their original instruction to conquer Canaan, we never see Israel trying to occupy square footage beyond the territory promised to them. Hanun’s commanders whispered in their king’s ear, planting seeds of doubt about David’s intention. Hanun believed their suspicions and reacted rashly.
“So Hanun seized David’s envoys, shaved them, cut off their garments at the buttocks, and sent them away.” (1 Chronicles 19:4 NIV)
Bet you didn’t know that was in the Bible, did you?
Poor Hanun received bad advice. He overacted in fear or outrage and made himself obnoxious in the eyes of a very powerful king. Grief can get in the way of good judgment. As can exhaustion. And stress. Ask me how I know. 🙂
Projection will escalate the situation. Projection will lead us to very dark places. We will either assume the worst about others and invite the terrible upon ourselves (like Hanun) or we assume the best about others and get blindsided when they behave true to their character, rather than our belief about them.
Part of our problem with projection is our constant need to judge others. We look at our neighbor and attempt to assess what their motives might be, where they stand with God and if we are doing better than they are. This is sinful and it’s not who we were created to be. When we measure others against our own brokenness, we always come up short. Instead, what if we acknowledged our brokenness and laid aside compulsive need to assess?
My heart hearts for Hanun. He was grieving, deeply. He had just lost his father who was evidently a kind man. Hanun didn’t need to go to war with David. He needed a powerful ally as he dealt with the mess in his own heart.
The problem with judging others is that we can’t possibly know what they are thinking. Their motivations and agendas are invisible to us; part of the unseen iceberg that lies beneath the surface of every human being. God only knows what is going on in the hearts and minds of men.
“The heart is deceitful above all things, and beyond all cure, who can understand it?(Jeremiah 17:9 NIV)
We’ve all heard this verse, truth be told we probably hate it, but what about the verse that follows?
“I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according got their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve.” (Jeremiah 17:10 NIV)
God alone is the knower of hearts. So instead of trying to get in other people’s heads and guess what’s going on, what if we got with God? What if we heard His heart and mind for His people. We don’t need to know a person’s faults and failures in order to love them well, we need to know God. The more time and effort we spend with Him, the better we’ll do with His people. Our distorted lens of self will start to correct and we’ll begin to see others as God sees them: flawed but still so worthy of love.
I know what you are thinking: we might get hurt. We may be taken advantage of. We might even be misunderstood. We look to Jesus and realize all these maybes happened to Him, yet still His will went forward. His sovereignty had the final say. The Godhead decided that love is still the best way to reach a fallen people, to change the hearts of men. We love God and then we reach toward others.
Right perspective and right relationship with people will only ever come from right relationship with God.
Only God can fix our lens, help us see ourselves and others accurately. We are broken but not yet a lost cause.
Lord, please help us with this problem of projection. We realize we cannot see rightly without You. Help us come close and hear from Your heart for people. Let us love others well through You. Amen.