One Flesh

“The Man said, “Finally! Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh! Name her Woman for she was made from Man.” Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:23-24 MSG)

Though my husband and I have been married over twenty years, I think we’ve only recently uncovered the most powerful nature of our one flesh covenant. Previously, I thought this scripture solely referred to the physical nature of our marital relationship. Now I am learning that one flesh includes our desires, pain, frustration, victories and spiritual experiences. One flesh is the biblical description of the total connectivity made possible through Christ-centered marriage. Note the phrase ‘made possible’ – one flesh isn’t a magical connection acquired the moment a groom slips the ring on a bride’s finger. No, one flesh will require ongoing effort and intentional relational habits to achieve and maintain.

One flesh is worth the effort. One flesh allow us to bear each other’s burdens and wear each other’s joy. One flesh lets us carry one another’s concerns and gratitudes to the throne room. One flesh means that your spouse’s spiritual growth (or lack there of) is so tied to your own that when one of you grows, you both do. And vice versa.

I experienced one flesh in a whole new way yesterday when my husband had to do something hard. We had seen the difficult task on the horizon, and prayed together about it as it neared. I knew the action of humble Kingdom service was going to cost him big time, I wore the weight of it with him all day. And strangely enough, when the hour came, the Lord brought me to an utter standstill and asked me to intercede fervently for the strength of my mate. Though he and I were in two separate places, I was allowed to share spiritual muscle in that moment, unbeknownst to him. He texted later and let me know that it was easier than he’d anticipated and I smiled, recalling the prayerful travail I’d engaged in on his behalf, grateful for the opportunity to help him in his toughest tasks.

Similarly, I have a friend who recently lost her husband. He had been working on a construction site that day. He was a good man, the kind of man who builds homes rather than tearing them down. That morning his great big heart simply stopped beating. He was gone before the ambulance arrived. Upon hearing the news that her husband had passed, my friend, an fellow empath who typically cries easily, didn’t fall apart in grief but instead began praising God emphatically for her husband’s life, their years together, his salvation, their children, everything she could think of. I learned of all this later, from a thousand miles away. My heart was touched by their one-flesh connection. As he was entering the courts of heaven, she was praising the Lord simultaneously. Somehow they shared that most powerful experience though separated by death. My friend still speaks of the supernatural strength she found in that moment. Those fictional folks in The Notebook have nothing on my friend’s flesh and blood marriage.

One flesh has it’s drawbacks, of course, but I believe the advantages far outweigh them. Yes, sin cuts twice as deep, but repentance goes twice as far. Sorrows are doubled, but encouragement is exponential. Doubt is debilitating, yet hope is highly contagious.

Don’t be deceived, one flesh will cost you much: your individual dreams and desires will meld into one combined vision. Fights will feel as though you are battling it out under your very own skin. Setbacks will burn but victories will be far sweeter. I’ve done marriage both ways and one flesh is far better.

My husband frequently reminds me how we only get this life together like this. Marriage will be different in heaven. While he and I still disagree on what exactly different will look like, we are even more committed to our one flesh covenant here on earth.

“…And in marriage he becomes one with a woman – no longer two individuals, but forming a new unity. Because God created this organic union of sexes, no one should desecrate His art by cutting them apart.” (Mark 10:8-9 MSG)

Lord, thank You for the privilege of living with my spouse as one flesh. Marriage is a unique place to learn to die to self, to interweave our desires and needs with the desires and needs of another. Help us grow this union through shared prayers, open communication, inexhaustible compassion and ongoing forgiveness. May we experience the full blessing that one flesh was designed to be. Amen.