“When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love Me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” he said, “You know that I love You.” Jesus said, “Feed My lambs.”” (John 21:15-17 NIV)
A member of my ladies life group brought it up this morning: how Peter’s instructions from Jesus were indelibly tied to and fueled by his love for Jesus. My friend said it, how she usually prays for strength and patience, but how this passage reminded her: love is what she truly lacked. She said it quite plainly, “Now I’m praying for more love.”
I was chastened. In our current season of transition, I have suffered from wants and overwhelment. Let me expound.
Wants: I want to buy a house and make a longterm investment in our community. I want to have enough square footage to host itinerating missionaries and children coming home. I want to live in town and tool around on my little red scooter and make friends wherever I go. I don’t want to move twice, to rent again, to put down temporary roots with the inevitability of upheaval and replanting. I had a vision of life in our new community that seems to be incongruent with the actual life God is birthing. I’ve wrestled in prayer the past couple weeks, aren’t my wants good? Aren’t they basic and worth fulfilling?
Overwhelment: There’s a lot to do here at our new church. Most every area of ministry needs addressing. We have already assembled a long list and it seems to grow each and every day. We are commuting three days a week and we go home to a half-packed house. Our daughter just left for camp and when she comes back, it will be a short two months before she leaves again for ministry school and flutters out of the nest maybe forever; I can’t hardly start to unpack those feelings. Our financial outflow is significantly greater than our inflow this month and the to-do list at home is pretty intimidating as well. My lists have lists at this point. LOL.
I’m a little embarrassed typing it all out: but there it is. In my want and overwhelment alike, I have been asking God for strength. Peace. Patience. Energy. Motivation. I’m officially the oldest I’ve ever been when moving. 🙂 Packing and schlepping and unpacking don’t come quite as easily this time around.
Today I realize what I lack is love. Specifically love for Him. Love enough to do whatever it is He calls me to. Love enough to say ‘yes’ even when my flesh grumbles. Love lays down her wants for the good that God calls her to. Love is overwhelmed by presence and purpose more than tasks and trials. Love motivates work and creativity and relationship. Love alone is where we find the fuel we need to live this one short, fast and full life for His glory. I need more love… Do you?
I’ve been watching the Chosen at the end of the day lately. It’s my new guiltless pleasure and I highly recommend it. As I watch the disciples leave nets and family and friends and homes and habits, I’m realizing: Jesus asks His closest followers to leave people and possessions alike. Even preferences, too. His disciples questioned His plans and tactics, but over and over they abandoned their desires to stay near to Him. They learned the His love could be trusted entirely. I, too, am letting go of my wants and overwhelment to say ‘yes’ to the plans and purposes of Jesus. And I need more love to do it.
“Do everything in love.” (1 Corinthians 16:14 NIV)
Lord, please grow our love for You. Love fuels obedience, love helps us do all the things You’ve called us to. We want to follow more closely. Please teach us to love more deeply. Amen.