“This is how Jesus the Messiah was born. His mother, Mary, was engaged to be married to Joseph. But before the marriage took place, while she was still a virgin, she became pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit. Joseph, to whom she was engaged, was a righteous man and did not want to disgrace her pulley, so he decided to break the engagement quietly.”
(Matthew 1:18-19 NLT)
Marriage is tough. Joseph came to this conclusion sooner than most young husbands. He and Mary hadn’t even made it to the honeymoon before he bore the wound of perceived infidelity. How could he be expected to go forward as planned? Sure, Mary had a fantastic story, but could he trust her? How, would they begin this lifelong journey together with another man’s seed taking root in her womb, the infraction against Joseph growing weightier each day? No, Joseph had made up his mind to quietly divorce her. It was surely the righteous thing to do. God couldn’t expect him to endure this. He had scriptural grounds. It would be best for everyone. Joseph made his decision. And then the angel stepped into his dreams and changed his mind.
Sometimes we struggle to keep the characters of Christmas as flesh and blood people. Imagine a moment, the jealousy, anger, heartache and embarrassment of Joseph. Understand his justification. His bride-to-be, Mary, was a fantastic liar, cold-stone crazy or telling the truth. It couldn’t be true, right? Surely God doesn’t impregnate other people’s promised spouses. Joseph had all the evidence he needed, he’d made up his mind. He was done with the marriage before it began. Until the angel talked him into staying and step-fathering God’s Son.
God cares about marriage deeply. And while there was no actual infidelity in Mary’s heart, so often there are very real infractions between husbands and wives. In those moments it’s terribly tempting to abandon vows made before God and man. Divorce can be justified, biblical grounds can be found. But how many separating couples take the time to seek God and hear His heart for their significant other? God’s heart for relationship is always restoration. It’s hard to hear when we are wounded: jealous, angry, heart-broken and embarrassed. We struggle to go to God when we are bleeding out from the slice of selfishness that threatens to dismember intimacy altogether. But God has a plan for marriage: for hope, healing and wholeness.
Look again at Joseph. He would have bene a hundred percent justified in his abandonment of Mary. He would have had support from both his local community and his synagogue leadership. He could have left Mary at the altar but he’d never walk away from the wound of what had happened. He had grounds, but he would have been wrong.
Marrying Mary gave him a chance to the see truth in action. He was there at the Messiah’s birth; one of two humans to witness the live birth of God in flesh. The holy delivery was met by shepherds, wise men and a whole host of angels. Joseph oversaw the first family trip to the Temple when Simon and Anna recognize their Savior. He watched Jesus grow in wisdom, stature and favor with man, Joseph saw firsthand who his adoptive son truly was. And he got to do it all with Mary. As a couple they were able to participate in the most hidden part of Jesus’ earthly existence, the day to day wonderment of raising God’s Son. All because Joseph had the courage to say ‘no’ to his flesh and ‘yes’ to God.
I suspect that God wants to do the same sort of miraculous things in our marriages. Yes, marriage is tough, but commit now to stay in the conversation with God, no matter how ugly or hard things might get. He has a divine plan He’s working through your union. Pray. Listen. And obey. Trust that God is doing something far larger than you and your spouse.
“When Joseph woke up, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded and took Mary as his wife.” (Matthew 1:24 NLT)
When we can wake up from our pain, justifications and self-protection, we can walk forward with God’s plan. We can trust His purposes are far higher and purer than our own.
O Lord, we acknowledged today that marriage is messy and tough. Two fallen people bring so much pain to the table. When we are ready to bail, please help us to turn down the volume on our own feelings and hear from You. Give us the strength to obey even when our heart says run. Help us love our spouses with an everlasting love that we learn from You. Amen.