“And He began to feel sorrowful and troubled. Then He said “My soul is overwhelmed to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with Me.”” (Matthew 26:36 NIV)
Jesus had a dark night of the soul. A night where His world was so black and His thoughts were so dire that He longed for death to release Him from the agony.
I read this passage countless times before I recognized the soul night that Jesus experienced. I’ve been there myself. Certainly not to the extent of Jesus: with the weight of the sins of the world on His shoulders. But I’ve crawled through the blackest nights under the weight of my own sin, under the weight of the sins of others. I’ve been near-suffocated by the blanket of grief that accompanies the passing of a parent. Twice. I’ve spent whole nights awake, sorrowful and troubled to the point of death. Like Jesus, I’ve looked around, desperate for anyone who could help ease the pain.
I’m grateful this accounting of Jesus’ great grief is here, included in the gospels for our sake. When we experience our own dark nights, we can turn the page to Jesus’ example. While He hoped to alleviate His isolation by bringing a friend into prayer with Him, there were none who could withstand the lateness of the hour or the intensity of His agony. I get this: grief is exhausting and excessive. There are some things we must face alone, and deepest grief is an isolating emotion.
At the same time, Jesus didn’t just sit in His sadness. He didn’t wail in the darkness without hope. No, He took His pain straight to His Father, as should we. When our agony is too awkward for our closest companions, we can still take it to the throne room where we gain Kingdom perspective.
I have a friend who tells me “Anna, we grieve up.” I know she’s right. That is the distinction between complaint and lament. Lament looks up with hope. Lament isn’t dishonest about circumstance or discomfort, but laced with longing to see the fulfillment of God’s promises.
Jesus grieved up. He laid out His request before a sovereign God and expressed His willingness to follow through on whatever the Father so desired.
“Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken away from Me. Yet, not as I will but as You will.” (Matthew 26:39 NIV)
This is how we survive the dark night of the soul. We realize we will go it alone and grieve up. We cry all our tears, we honestly present our requests and ultimately, we trust our Father for the strength to walk out His will.
Lord, we don’t like dark nights. Like You, we’d prefer to walk through circumstances with close friends. Today we realize that there are some agonies that must be borne alone. Give us courage when the lights go out and our companions scatter. Help us lift our faces toward You as our tears flow freely. Give us grace to grieve up as we ask our questions. Align our will with Your will, even it it included unfavorable conditions. Amen.