“And the Lord had closed her womb.” (I Samuel 1:5 NIV)
Thisis a tough text to wrap our minds around. Womb-closing doesn’t feel in keeping with our preferred perception of God. We want Him to be a womb opener alone. It’s hard for us to wrap our minds around the though that an empty womb might further the purposes of God. We’ve got to keep reading.
“Her rival proved her in order to irritate her.” (1 Samuel 1:6 NIV)
Hanna experienced persecution form her husband’s other wife. Peninnah continually rubbed salt in the wound of Hannah’s ongoing emptiness. Any woman who has experience any level of struggle with child-bearing knows just how raw this wound is, without the added injury of a pregnant, pompous competitor. Hannah endured her sister-wife’s abuse for years and God (our good, generous and faithful Father) allowed it. It seems that infertility and persecution produced something Kingdom in Hannah’s heart.
“This went on year after year. Whenever Hannah went to the house of the Lord, her rival provoked her until she wept and would not eat.”
(1 Samuel 1:7 NIV)
The Lord allowed the hounding and the infertility to go on for full seasons. And it seemed it got markedly worse when it was time for the family to go to church. The enemy plotted mercilessly for distraction, disruption of worship, but instead, Hannah turned up the intensity. She eventually fully committed herself to prayer, tears and fasting.
“In her anguish, Hannah prayed to the Lord.” (1 Samuel 1:10 NIV)
The Lord had allowed Hanna’s pain and Hannah allowed her pain to send her deeper into God’s presence. Something incredibly Kingdom was about to be realized. Hannah made promises that satisfied women wouldn’t have the courage to whisper. She pledged whole pieces of her heart that didn’t yet exist.
“And she made a vow, saying “Lord Almighty, if You will only look on Your servants misery and remember me, and do not forget Your servant but give me a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life…” (1 Samuel 1:11 NIV)
I’ve heard it said, let pain push you towards purpose. The thing is, when we are deep pain it’s often hard to recognize any sort of purpose amidst it. The pain feels arbitrary. But what if we amend that instruction? What if we let pain push us towards God? We remember that God never misplaces our purpose. His perspective is perfect, He can see what we’ll become on the other side of today’s anguish. Hannah started winning the battle for her soul when she allowed her pain to quite literally propel her into the throne room of God’s presence. God accomplished something huge and Kingdom through Hannah’s persistent pursuit of Him.
We read Hannah’s story and see that God uses pain, persecution and even closed doors to bring about circumstances and heart conditions that further His Kingdom. We read her story and have opportunity to make a decision about what to do with our own anguish.
Lord, help us to pursue You even when we are in pain. Give us the strength to push past loss, persecution and provocation – all the way into Your presence. May we be desperate enough to make promises that satisfied women won’t whisper. We want to positively contribute to Your Kingdom. Amen.