"He was testing Philip, for He already knew what He was going to do." (John 6:6 NLT)
Some situations are simply for our testing. God already has a plan unfolding, a strategy in the works. In the meantime, He’ll take a meter read on our faith. These moments are opportunities for us to acknowledge – ‘this is impossible in our own strength, but I’m confident that You already have it in hand’. We don’t have to figure our way out of this, we just have to faith our way through it.
Our last four months have been this sort of test: impossible in our own strength, but provided for by the Father. We could be worrying our way through, wringing our hands and attempting to piece something together. Or we could trust that God called us into this season, too. It had a distinct beginning, it will also have an ending. We’re still on schedule and He already knows what He’s going to do.
Honestly, I’ve done the hand-wringing and the total trusting. I’m not proud of it, but in the first few days and weeks after our resignation, hand-wringing prevailed. I’m responsible and a problem-solver by nature (me and Vanilla Ice, baby!) My flesh tried to work the equation in my own strength. And honestly; the data came back inconclusive every time.
In spurts at first and more completely in these last couple months, I’ve hedged into a mode of ludicrous trust. I look at our income and our outflow and, like Philip, I shrug: the means are so completely out of reach. And yet, four months into this undesired adventure outside of full-time ministry, we haven’t missed a meal. We’ve somehow managed the gas money to see our kids. The bills have been paid and we’ve been gifted a trip to Italy. I can’t run the numbers and come up with enough, but God already had in mind what He was going to do.
I’m learning to walk with Him through this secular stretch in confidence. He’s slowly removing my resource-insecurity mindset. This excisement wasn’t going to be accomplished in a few days or weeks. I required months for Him to uproot historic, destructive mindsets and replace them with fail-proof trust mechanisms. I don’t know when we will return to ministry. I do know that I will rejoice greatly when we do; it’s difficult to live cast out from your calling. In the meantime, I choose to keep trusting that God knows precisely what He’s doing. I have elected to enjoy this season of rest and reset. I am reveling in the scenery as we move through terrain I’ve never desired to traverse. His presence in the wilderness with me makes it far more agreeable.
"O, how great are Gods' riches and wisdom and knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand His decisions and ways! For who can know the Lord's thoughts? Who knows enough to give Him advice? And who has given Him so much that He needs to pay it back? For everything comes from Him and exists by His power and is intended for His glory. All glory to Him forever! Amen." (Romans 11:33-36 NLT)
Lord, thank You for opportunities disguised as hardship designed to grow our trust. We’d like to know the answers and have the solutions, but it’s better to lean into Your omniscience. Keep us close as we surrender to Your plans. Speak to us tenderly as we stretch in ways we haven’t extended before. Pull us along the path You have laid out in love. May Your receive glory every step of the way. Amen.