Today I woke up to disappointment. It wasn’t an altogether surprising disappointment, but the actuality of it knocked the wind out of my sails. Has that ever happened to you? You may suspect something, even have an intuition about the way a thing might go, but then when it proves to be true, the reality hurts far more than the suspicion. Deep down, you had hoped that you were wrong.
In my disappointment, I sought the Lord. I asked Him to show me a time in scripture where He, too, felt disappointment. This is one of the most amazing things about our Savior; every feeling we have experienced, He has endured and overcome. With infinite tenderness, He led me to Luke 19. It’s a familiar text: Jesus weeping as He entered the city. I wondered, was that disappointment?
The gospel of John only records the words. But the good doctor, Luke, records the Savior’s tears. I’m so grateful he did. We have a High Priest who feels and cuts and bleeds like we do.
"As He approached Jerusalem and saw the city, He wept over it and said, "If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace - but now it is hidden from your eyes. The days will come upon you when your enemies will build an embankment against you and encircle you and hem you in on every side. They will dash you to the ground, you and the children within your walls. They will not leave on stone on another, because you did not recognize the time of God's coming to you." (Luke 19:41-44 NIV)
Jesus knew what was coming for Jerusalem. He had seen the consequences of their actions from afar. He had been watching the holy city for a thousand years, and He knew that they had missed Him completely.
Yet Jesus’ foreknowledge of disappointment didn’t seem to lessen it’s impact. This text reads like the full weight of Jerusalem’s rejection hit hard as He approached that city for that final week. Reality slammed into Jesus’ belief about what was coming. When He crested that last hill, Jesus could see destruction unfolding, just as He knew it would. And He was moved to tears.
Luke’s gospel jumps right to the Temple cleansing, but other gospels let us know there was a night between city entrance and Temple purification. I suspect Jesus spent the evening processing His disappointment with His Father. (Who shared every measure of it, I’m sure! God isn’t callous to our cares.) Jesus presents such a helpful pattern for us: we take our tears right to the throne room. We regulate our feelings by flowing them through the presence of God, first and foremost. Remember, He can handle them. Then, He can steer us in the right direction in the crashing waves of our emotions.
What we do with our disappointment is important. Jesus refused to let His feelings drag Him off task. The rejection He experienced, though highly personal, could not keep Him from His holy directive. He was honest about His feelings, but He vented upwards. He wept with His face tilted toward the heavens. And then He realigned Himself with His Father’s will.
I don’t know about you, but I’m not omniscient. All I posses is intuition and sometimes what I suspect is is exactly what happens. And even when I suspect the worst and it turns out to be true, I will inevitably experience a wave of disappointment. If I give myself over to that wave, it will carry me out of God’s purpose and off to a place that is me-focused. That sea of selfishness is far from God’s best for my life. Instead allowing myself to be carried away, I handle disappointment best when I lift my voice to the Father and air my grievances upward. Crying out to heaven makes my soul stronger in the waves of sorrow, less susceptible to the drift of self-pity.
When our Jesus felt the full wave of disappointment, He brought His feelings straight to His Father. He got a good night’s rest and then He was able to move on in the morning: still willing and able to fulfill the Father’s will for His remaining days. Luke has blessed us by including this bit in scripture: it’s a template for us to follow when we are tempted to let our feelings lead the way.
"Out of the depths, I cry to You, Lord; Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy." (Psalm 130:1-2 NIV)
Lord, today we lift our faces and speak our feelings. We are disappointed. Hurting. We don’t understand. But we know that You know. Our disappointment isn’t out of Your experience or empathy. You are here with us in the midst of it. The realities that wound our heart also wound Yours. Thank You for being willing to sit with us in our sorrow. Please filter our feelings through the purification of Your presence. Give us rest and fresh perspective. Set us back about our assigned holy tasks, that we may continue to live with Kingdom purpose. Amen.