“Lead me by Your truth and teach me, for You are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in You.” (Psalm 25:5 NLT)
My husband knows my love language and gifted me a new book for for our anniversary. It’s the next in the Emotionally Healthy series and I’m only a few days in and it’s already blessed me. Yesterday, the author was talking about conversations with others and the helpfulness of these three questions before we engage conversationally:
1.) Am I fully present or distracted?
2.) Am I loving or judging?
3.) Am I open or closed to being changed?
Peter Scazzero proposes that pausing to ask these questions before engaging in conversation is a relational game-changer and I believe he’s right. I’ve been thinking about it since yesterday, and now I want to copy them down and post them on sticky notes all over my home and office. My soul needs these sort of blatant reminders. Does yours? This morning I wasn’t quite ready to move on and as I considered the questions again, it occurred to me that they could very well apply to our conversations with God, too.
At first blush, we might balk at the idea of humans ‘judging’ God, but I’ve been sitting in the story of Cain these last few days and Cain definitely judged God. Cain had committed a litany of sins; jealousy, anger, first-degree murder and then lied to God about the lot of it. Then, when God offered him grace in banishment instead of the deserved death penalty, Cain had a conniption.
“Cain said the Lord, “My punishment is more than I can bear. Today you are driving me from the land, and I will be hidden from Your presence, I will be a restless wanderer on the earth, and whoever finds me will kill me.” (Genesis 4:13-14 NIV)
Cain had grossly sinned against God and man but considered his consequence to be too great. Cain judged God and found Him wanting. Honestly, we do it, too. Anytime we don’t understand or can’t appreciate God’s will, we speak judgement. We say things like “Where was God?”, “How could He let this happen?”, and “If this is how God is, I don’t want any part of it.”
What if we could come into conversations with God where we remain aware of His goodness, His sovereignty and His love for humanity? What if we left our judgement at the door and remembered He alone is fit to judge? How might a posture of humility change the trajectory of our relationship with Him and with others?
The other questions proposed by Peter Scazzero have merit in our conversations with God as well. Are we fully present when we come into His presence? So many times I pull up to my devotional time already distracted. Too often, I come with an agenda or worse, complaint. Imagine how it would go if I started every marital conversation similarly? My marriage would become transactional and strained. The relationship would falter.
It is crucial that we learn to slow our soul to God’s pace. Eugene Peterson often wrote and spoke about how God is a three-mile-an-hour God. The challenge is that we live in an eighty-mile-an-hour world. We have to downshift considerably to engage in the slow soul connection we require to have a meaningful encounter with the living God.
This is where the practice of a daily office comes in handy. Two minutes (or more) of silence before the Father serves to decelerate our soul as we begin our interaction with Him. And yes, you will feel the gears give way loudly as you learn this practice, but it is well-worth the discomfort. These moments of dis-ease prepare our hearts for the most critical conversation of the day.
That last question might just be the game changer. Are we open to being transformed? Of course, God loves us just the way we are, but contrary to popular belief, He loves us too much leave us this way! Babies with dirty diapers are loved, but good parents clean them up just the same! God sees clearly the things in our soul that we are blind to, and He knows exactly how those habits and hangups will play out if left unaddressed. (Spoiler: it’s not good!) So when we show up for conversation, He will likely have some uncomfortable things to discuss with us. We need to trust His nature enough to respond rightly. He is holy, we are not. He is willing meet with us and move us toward holiness: how will we counter?
“The Sovereign Lord has given me His words of wisdom, so that I know how to comfort the weary. Morning by morning He awakens me and opens my understanding to His will.” (Isaiah 50:4 NLT)
Lord, please forgive us for all the times we’ve shown up with the wrong attitude. We know we have arrived for our moments together distracted, judgmental and close-minded. And yet, You keep showing up with mercy in hand. Forgive us and change us. Help us listen intently, love greatly and be open to the changes You are suggesting. Transformative conversations with You pave the way for transformative conversations with others. It is our desire to love You and others well. Please help us in this desire. Amen.