“So Judas threw the money into the Temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself.” (Matthew 27:5 NIV)
Every time I read of Judas, my heart hurts for him. In the hot flush of shame and regret, Judas took his own life. He let his imagination grab hold of his future and he opted for a shortcut to a presumed ending. Judas hung himself before he heard the rest of the story. Yes, Jesus was crucified as a direct result of Judas’ betrayal, but Jesus would rise again and Judas would miss the triumph entirely.
I’ve long heard it said that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. We see this so clearly in Judas’ narrative. He could have been redeemed. If Jesus could forgive His crucifiers, he could forgive the initial kiss of betrayal, too. But Judas did not believe himself to be redeemable; he swallowed the lie of hell – hook, line and sinker. He missed the fact that Jesus was all about redemption! If Judas had sat tight just three more days, he would have seen firsthand how God can redeem our ugliest moments and transform them for His glory. This is the message of the cross!
I get it. I’ve had those times when I couldn’t see my way out, when I couldn’t fathom a way forward, when I couldn’t imagine that God or anyone else could make it better. I can recall being suicidal in high school, convinced that my small life didn’t matter one iota. It’s humbling to look back and think about all that I would have missed; marriage and children and ministry and life. If the enemy had been successful in his manipulations… if the Lord hadn’t been merciful in His ministrations…
Far more recently, I have prayed for reprieve. I’ve had blackest seasons where I’ve begged the Lord to take me Home, to arrest my breath and gather me with His people. It’s tough to admit in light of day, but the human frame has limitations in it’s suffering. In both scenarios; I struggled to see a redemptive route. I could not contrive how my Savior might bind the hemorrhaging of my heart and make my existence more tolerable. I struggled to believe Him for the impossible. And thankfully, I was utterly mistaken. He is extraordinarily faithful and the redeemer of all things. And given time and trust, He proved Himself all over again.
It’s an unpleasant revelation, but suicide is a statement of disbelief about God. In our pain, we render Him finite and it is a false rendering. We make permanent decisions with partial information. How do we fight off such self-destructive thoughts?
We begin with empathy. We acknowledge the pain and it’s hold on our mind. We express our feelings but we don’t wallow. We don’t stay there. We recognize that emotions s; though large and volatile, are typically impermanent.
We examine scripture and reinforce ourselves within it’s truth. We hunt for God’s character amidst holy pages and recognize His stated intention to renew all things. We study and memorize the verses that speak to these matters, we recall them aloud when the enemy comes shouting.
The truth is, Judas did not have to die. The Lord had a redemption route for him, too. Don’t miss out on God’s best by cutting your life short. Stay the course, my friend. Have faith that God can redeem this, also.
“The thief comes only to kill, steal and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10 NIV)
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Then you will call on Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. “I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.”(Jeremiah 29:11-14a NIV)
“His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness.” (2 Peter 1:3 NIV)
Lord, forgive us for considering shortcuts. Build our faith when we start to waver. Remind us of Your unchanging nature. Let us live out Your purpose until our natural end. We are blown away by Your ability to redeem all things; even us. Amen.