Wrestling with Doubt

“They were all trying to frighten us, thinking,
“Their hands will get too weak for the work and it will not be completed.”
But I prayed, “Now strengthen my hands.”
(Nehemiah 6:9 NIV)

Have you ever noticed how God sends us just the right word at just the right time? I’m embarrassed to say it, but I have been wrestling with doubt this week. I could probably chalk it up to jet lag (Israel is 8 hours ahead of Algona time) or the initial pain of re-entry into ordinary life after such a dream trip, but I have struggled to be sure of solid decisions I’ve already made. For a few days now, I’ve back away from big commitment, my resolve weakening with every passing hour. A myriad of excuses have assembled into a single impassable mountain in my mind. Fear and doubt have had me frozen. Until last night, when a podcast pointed it out; how Nehemiah knew what to do but the enemy came at him in accusation and alarm.

In order understand today’s passage, we first must figure out who this Nehemiah was. The exiled Jew had never set so much as a foot in the Promised Land. The Babylonians had infiltrated and leveled Judea long before his birth. Nehemiah was an exile held in service to the King, as Cupbearer, when he heard about the condition of his homeland. The walls of Jerusalem were broken down, the gates were burning, God’s people were in great trouble and disgraced.

This truth messes Nehemiah up. He wept. He fasted. I seriously doubt he could sleep at night because when the burden of God’s heart is upon us, there is little else we can do. Nehemiah’s countenance was so disturbed that his boss, the King, took note of it. And in an extraordinary act of boldness, Nehemiah shared his heart. The King responds with remarkable kindness and generosity, granting his Cupbearer both a leave of absence and a blank check to rebuild the walls of beloved Jerusalem, an occupied city within the King’s reign. Unheard of, isn’t it?

So Nehemiah got after it. He inspected the walls, made a plan and rallied the ragtag inhabitants of Judea. Together, they began the daunting process of rebuilding. They were off to a solid start when the opposition came.

Note the specific agenda of the enemy: ‘trying to frighten us, thinking, “their hands will get too weak for the work and it will not get completed.”‘ Satan’s tactics vary, but his over-arching message remains the same. Fear and doubt are the currency he continually distributes. And we are so quick to pick it up as cash in hand.

I look back at my five days since touching down on American soil and I realize, I came back much like Nehemiah, brimming with divine purpose, a strategic plan in my soul. And in five short days, the enemy has snuck in with doubt and fear. He came in so subtly that I did not recognize the source. I’m sheepish. We’ve talked about this before, how we’ll recognize the author by the fruit, but so often we forget to check the byline. We just accept the story as our own. Fear ALWAYS comes from the other side, along with panic, doubt and anxiety. Exhaustion and emotion make it even tougher to see straight, but that’s when we need to go back to what we know for sure.

So how did Nehemiah handle the opposition? What did he do in the face of fear and doubt? We hear it from his own lips.

“But I prayed, “Now strengthen my hands.”” (Nehemiah 6:9 NIV)

Prayers in our own strength are pretty powerless. But prayers pinned to scripture prove potent. Nehemiah went back to what he knew God had told him to do and he prayed for strength to finish the task. This morning, I look at my own divine assignment, I recognize the adversity of the enemy and I pray in accordance with scripture for strong hands.

“Strengthen the feeble hands, stead the knees that give way: say to those with fearful hearts, “Be strong and do not fear, your God will come.”
(Isaiah 35:3-4a NIV)

Lord, we recognize anew the author of fear and doubt. Help us reject his lies and embrace Your assignment. Often Your orders lie far beyond our natural ability. This is good because then obedience requires supernatural dependency. When the task is finished, we will not be able to step away without first giving You glory. Strengthen our feeble hands for Your agenda, steady knocking knees as we go forward in faith to Your desired future. Amen.

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