"But Jacob did not send Benjamin, Joseph's brother, with the others, because he was afraid that harm might come to him." (Genesis 42:4 NIV)
On fourth trek through chapter 42, I recognized our potential responses to grief. See, the whole of Jacob’s family was affected in some way by the brother “who is no more”. Joseph’s absence was a pain point that left an indelible mark on every member. Joseph was cast into Egypt, the brothers into unbearable guilt, and the father settled into sorrow. One dark day, twenty years back in the family history book, informed their whole future.
I get it. I’ve had had a few such days myself. I’ve gotten the phone call that rearranged everything. I’ve sat with the loved one as they gasped for last breath. I’ve experienced unrecoverable fractures in relationship. If we’re alive long enough, we all will. Unfortunately, pain is part of being human in a fallen (and still falling) world. It’s what we do with that pain that matters most. The place we allow pain to take us makes an impact on eternity.
When we flip through the pages of this family’s story and we find three potential responses to pain.
First up, there’s Jacob. This heartbroken father gave himself over to inconsolable grief. Scripture informs us “he refused to be comforted” and even assured his still-living children “I will continue to mourn until I join my son in the grave.” (Genesis 37:35) Jacob checked out on his eleven other kids and spent twenty years selfishly tending to his own sorrow.
Next, we consider the brothers. These poor boys are absolutely eaten up with guilt. Jacob even pointed it out when he mentions there was grain in Egypt, “Why do you keep looking at each other?” (Genesis 42:1) Egypt and Joseph were likely the two subjects that sparked like a live wire between these brothers. Can you imagine spending twenty years keeping a secret about selling your flesh and blood into slavery? How many arguments did they have over confessing or continuing to lie? I can’t hardly fathom the tension in this family tent!
And last, we have Joseph. This kid’s story continues to amaze me. It’s safe to say he paid the biggest price for his brothers’ transgressions, yet we find him as resilient as a buoy in churning waters. Every time we think we’ve seen the last of Joseph, he resurfaces with a smile on his face. What gives?
Joseph responded to grief rightly to the pain that erupted in his story. He recognized God was with him in his sorrow and he trusted His presence to carry him through. We don’t read of any complaints from young Joe, but he certainly had some tough internal conversations in the pit and prison cell. I suspect complaints aren’t included because Joseph came to right conclusions. Ultimately, Joseph settled into God’s sovereignty and thus trusted God’s ability to take care of His own.
"Then Joseph said to his brothers, "Come close to me." When they had don so he said, "I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt! And now do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God send me ahead of you. For two years now there has been famine in the land, and for the next five years there will be no plowing and reaping. But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance." (Genesis 45:47 NIV)
Joseph was responsive to God’s plan because he had already entrusted Him with his pain. When we are brave enough to bring our pain to God, He brings us through it. We don’t have to spend twenty years stuck like Jacob and the brothers. We can bounce back in purpose, confident that God’s plan is far bigger than today’s sorrow.
Joseph reminds us, what we do with pain matters a great deal. Pain, whether it’s self-inflicted or brought on by others, takes us to dark places. It’s critical that we discover God is with us, even in the spaces we’d prefer to avoid altogether. When we find God in the shadows, we learn to trust His redemption of our pain for His purpose.
Lord, forgive us for getting stuck. We get hurt and we tend to double down. Please meet us in the dark. Make us especially aware of Your presence and honest about our misgivings. Bring divine perspective to our pits and prisons. Buoy our hearts as we turn to You. Amen.
Thank you, I am going thro the pain of grief, knowing God is walking with me but still it is very real. Some times are more of a struggle than others. My family & Church family are very supportive, thank you Jesus! I feel like God still has work for me to do so trying to trust in His wisdom & timing. PTL!
Dear Sandi, I can’t imagine the level of the grief that God has entrusted you with. Maybe the only thing larger still is His love for you. Praying you find His presence again and again amidst it. I agree, He still has Kingdom work for you to do. He will be faithful to see you through it. Love you, sweet lady.