Soulmates & Silver Anniversaries

"I will bring that group through the fire and make them pure. I will refine them like silver and purify them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them. I will say, "These are my people,' and they will say, 'The Lord is our God.'" (Zechariah 13:9 NLT)

Late last week we got a card in the mail from some of our dearest friends and mentors. I was arrested by the words – “On your silver anniversary”. Growing up in the eighties, anniversaries were still marked by materials. The first was paper, the second; cotton, the seventh copper or wool, and so on. Twenty-fifth is silver. Solid. Valuable. Worth hiding when people of ill-repute came around. 🙂

I still remember my parent’s silver anniversary. Rob and I were newlyweds when their church came together and threw a big to-do. Flowers and cake and cards and checks were all part of the festivities. My mom’s wedding dress – which she and my grandmother had designed and stitched – was on display in the corner of the room. I tried to imagine her two and half decades younger as a bride in rural North Dakota setting off into the future that would become my childhood memories.

Silver anniversary. In some ways, I feel like we’ve blinked and we’re here. 9,125 days into matrimony. A hundred seasons or more of married life. Two kids raised and off to college. More addresses than I care to admit. When I start to catalogue the stories; twenty-five adds up. The longer we fight off the world, the stronger and purer this union shines. Silver makes sense. Also, we’re both getting some silver in our hairlines. 🙂

God has quite a bit to say about silver in scripture. He informs us: silver must be refined, purified by fire. I can relate to this in the crucible of our marriage. If marriage is easy, we may not be doing it well. Twenty-five years of actual intimacy will include a lot of dialogue, empathy and selflessness.

I’m not the only one that thinks this way. Because I am fascinated with all things Israeli, I recently watched the first episode of Jewish Matchmaking. Matchmaker Aleena Ben Shalom specializes in putting people together from all over the world. Her words in the opening of the show caught my heart:

“People think soulmate means that there is only one human being in the world for them…But it’s not true. Soulmates are made in heaven, but when we come down in this world we actually have options. The way you make a soulmate in this world is that you get married under the chuppah…In that exact moment that person becomes your soulmate.”

She goes on to say that anyone can put two people together, the hard part is getting them to stay together for a lifetime. By some measure, I think she’s right. This idea of soulmate can really mess us up; when things aren’t going well we can believe the lie of the enemy – that there is someone better out there. We might abandon what we have for the illusion of something that doesn’t exist.

The reality is, your soulmate is the man or woman you’ve stood before God alongside. Soulmates are created when two people commit to love each other and their Creator, over a lifetime. And that, my friends, will always look like work. The purification of silver takes time, testing and temperature. Without these crucial uncomfortable elements, the dross remains.

Francis Chan shocks us when he writes that marriage is not about our happiness. It never has been. Marriage is about our holiness and that’s one of the reasons it’s so dang hard. Marriage is a place where we can make Christ known and we can know Him more. With refinement, we become reflective of our Father. Turns out, holier people are happier people, too.

"You have tested us, O God; You have purified us like silver." (Psalm 66:10 NLT)

Lord, thank You for twenty-five years of marriage. We have learned, marriage is not for the faint of heart. Strengthen us as we seek You amidst this union. Please continue to preoccupy our hearts and dwell in our home as Lord and King.
We recommit our marriage to Your purposes. Amen.