“Jacob sent messengers ahead of him to his brother Esau in the land of Seir, the country of Edom. He instructed them: “This is what you are to say to my Lord Esau: ‘Your servant Jacob says, I have been staying with Laban and have remained there till now. I have cattle and donkeys, sheep and goats, male and female servants. Now I am sending this message to my lord, that I may find favor in your eyes.” (Genesis 32:3 NIV)
I wonder, do you recall Jacob? He was one of Isaac’s twins. These boys were longed for, they came after Rebekah’s bout with barrenness. Jacob and his brother, Esau, battled in the womb and then Jacob came out second, hand clasped about his brother’s heel. The boys continued to tussle through childhood: a hunter and a thinker at constant odds with one another. Each parent picked a favorite and no one in the family won. At his mother’s prodding, Jacob duped his brother into handing over both his birthright and his blessing and then the younger boy fled to his Uncle Laban’s for safe-keeping. It seemed like Jacob might have met his match when his mother’s brother bamboozled him out of his hard-fought-for bride, but he buckled down and did the work and won the second wife, too. Then he outwitted his uncle with the flocks until he finally left Laban’s land as a very wealthy man.
All the wealth in the world can’t shield one from an enraged sibling, though, and when it was time to confront his past sins, Jacob did the very thing we are most tempted to do. He projected an image of himself quite larger than life. He sent an entourage towards Esau, hoping the vast holdings would dissuade him from the beating he well deserved. But his brother was marching towards him with his own holdings; four hundred men alongside him.
Fear reignited. Jacob revved up into high gear. Maybe his estranged brother could be bribed with gifts?
“He spent the night there, and from what he had with him, he selected a gift for his brother Esau: two hundred female goats and twenty male goats, two hundred ewes and twenty rams, thirty female camels with their young, forty cows and ten bulls, and twenty female donkeys and ten male donkeys… and be sure to say, ‘ Your servant Jacob is coming behind us.’ For he though, “I will pacify him with these gifts I am sending on ahead; later, when I see him, perhaps he will receive me.” So Jacob’s gifts went on ahead of him, but he himself spent the night in the camp.” (Genesis 32:13-14, 20-21 NIV)
We may read of Jacob’s largesse and think ‘how generous!’ or perhaps, ‘how repentant!‘ but I have less trust in Jacob. I remember him to be the trickster, always looking to stack the deck in his favor. This sudden display of benevolence towards his brother was highly out of character. Jacob was presenting himself as stronger and wealthier, a force to be reckoned with the ancient world. He careful projected an image of himself to his brother long before he got there.
We do this. We construct a projection that we put up in front of others. We assemble a mirage of who we’d like to be. We spend an exorbitant amount of resources on this counterfeit picture just as Jacob spent himself silly on a gift for a brother he didn’t even like. This light and mirrors trick is far larger and shinier then we truly are.
The book I’m reading calls this public projection the ‘false self’ and we seem to have an obsession with it. We so often feel the real us is too small, too insignificant, too imperfect to make any impact on another soul. So we set up our projection: we paint on our makeup and pick out the perfect outfit and we pretend that we are bigger, better, surer and smarter then we really are. We are so consumed with our own image, so pre-occupied with self that we forget about the person on the other side of our display.
“We remain trapped in living a pretend life – always seeking the approval of others. True freedom comes when we no longer need to be special in people’s eyes because we know we are loveable and good enough in Christ.” (Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Day by Day)
I’m realizing this projection of false self is exhausting, distancing and distracting. The false self does not serve us well. It’s a lot of work to keep up an image that isn’t true to who we really are. The projection requires room to maintain, so we keep ourselves from getting too close to others. We unintentionally hinder authentic relationships, especially when we factor in their projection as well. Additionally, all this projection sidelines us from our actual calling, the purpose of our time here on earth: loving God and loving others.
God has something so much better in mind for Jacob and Esau. He was believing for a face-to-face encounter between these brothers. And He was willing to wrestle Jacob all night until the man was humbled enough to move forward in meekness.
“So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak.” (Genesis 32:24 NIV)
It turns out that apart from his wives and his possessions, Jacob was just another guy like anyone else. And that night, God reminded him of his weakness. He touched Jacob’s hip and left him with a limp that would forever let others know he wasn’t as strong as his projection. See, until then, Jacob had always been able to manipulate his way forward, but God had subdued him.
Jacob began the next day as a new man. He limped out to meet his brother face to face, finally letting his family and fortune fall behind. And look, it seems that God had been dealing with Esau as well?
“But Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced him; he threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. And they wept.” (Genesis 33:4 NIV)
The brothers were uncharacteristically vulnerable with one another. Through what we can only believe to be independent God-encounters, they each had decided to dismantle their respective projection systems. They allowed themselves to come close enough to see one another’s scars and they were finally able to truly love one another as brothers. Jacob got it, because he exclaims this amazing truth as he insists upon blessing his brother, offering complete restitution for his previous extortion.
“For to see your face is like seeing the face of God, now that you have received me favorably.” (Genesis 33:10 NIV)
We were designed to see one another face to face, not projection against projection. When we can reveal our true selves, the image of God is apparent and He is glorified.
Lord, forgive us for complicating most human interactions with self-projection. Dismantle our means. Wrestle us, if You must. Tear down the trappings that keep us from authentic interaction and genuine relationship. We see anew how our false image maintenance exhausts, distances and distracts. Set us free from it forever as we focus on loving You and loving others. Help us live as genuine image bearers, satisfied with the design originally endowed. Amen.