“If my heart has been enticed by a woman, or if I have lurked at my neighbor’s door, then may my wife grind another man’s grain, and may other men sleep with her.” (Job 31:10 NIV)
Even in the midst of deep suffering, Job still saw marriage as a privilege. How do we perceive our own unions?
If we look a little closer at Job’s marriage, we might be surprise by his attitude of gratitude when it came to his wife. Her singular interaction in his book is not terribly flattering. Job had lost everything; livestock, crops, real estate, support staff, offspring and personal health. Mrs. Job had but one comment: “Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die.” (Job 2:9 NIV) After that, we don’t read of any additional encounter with her.
Yet chapters and perhaps months later, Job still saw his wife as a gift that could be revoked. I count this to Job’s credit. He had not held his wife’s grief against her. Remember, she had lost all ten of her children in one fell swoop. Of course, Job had, as well, but wives haven’t any boxes to contain their sorrow. Pain permeates a woman’s entire being, where it seems like men can compartmentalize and cope. This woman was surely in a death spiral of loss and Job’s words about her make me believe he had not given up on her.
Whatever his wife said or did during their season of loss, she seemed to stay with him to the end. When Job’s suffering concluded, he conceived ten more children. I think we can safely presume that Mrs. Job is the mother of said children, because a new wife isn’t mentioned among all the other replacements. (Sheep, camels, oxen, donkeys, sons and daughters are all carefully catalogued.) I also find it interesting how the new daughters were included in Job’s inheritance the second time around. Perhaps Job had a new appreciation for the value of a good woman who stuck it out, for better or worse.
What is our take home today? Marriage might get difficult in seasons, but a spouse is a blessing. It’s funny, we almost always start out with this mindset, but we struggle to maintain it. I remember my thoughts at the altar more than twenty-three years ago: “I can’t believe I get to marry this boy! I’m the luckiest girl in the world! I can’t wait to start our life together!” Yet we get a few seasons in and we stop seeing our spouse as an asset, we see a liability instead. Often, the very things we adored about them become our tripping points in marital bliss.
Even at the bottom of his pit, Job counted his wife as a gift form God. I’m convicted. The truth is; like Job, we may complain to our friends, but we go home to our spouse. Our mate is the one who keeps us warm at night, who hears our troubles and tackles life at our side. Our spouse is the one who sees us, day in and day out, and chooses to stay with us through thick and thin.
There was a season where I saw my spouse as a liability. My perception was off-kilter because I was in pain.
The Word is the way we correct our perspective. The Word hands us a God-lens to rightly perceive our world.
“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22 NIV)
Deciding again that your spouse is a gift is the first step in seeing them as a gift. We make that decision daily, even when things are difficult.
One more observation: Job says it and Jesus confirms it.
“Does He not see my ways and count my steps?” (Job 31:4 NIV)
“He did not need any testimony about mankind for He knew what was in each person.” (John 2:25 NIV)
When we stood at an altar and pledged ourself to our spouse; we truly barely knew them. I remember our pastor explaining in premarital counseling that we did not ‘know’ each other just yet. That ‘knowing’ would come through years of living, loving, suffering and surviving together. I was – in my blissful ignorance – just a little insulted. But now, a few decades into happily ever after, I understand exactly what our dear pastor meant. It’s easy to fall in love with a stranger: you don’t know their habits, their hangups, their sin. But loving someone day in and day out for a lifetime; loving them at their worst and their best with equal commitment, that’s truly remarkable.
But Jesus. Jesus knows us intimately. He knows our hills and valleys and insecurities and infractions entirely, and He still loves us. He knew precisely what He was committing to when He set His holy eye on us and pledged to love us to death. It is out of His prodigious affection for us that we find a wellspring of love for others, especially our spouse.
Lord, thank You for the gift of a spouse. Help us see them as an asset, not a liability, even in the hardest seasons and on our worst days. Thank You for living out the example, for loving us; despite our deep and profuse flaws. Fuel us with Your love for our spouse. Lead the way. Help us learn. Let us treasure our mate as You treasure Your people. May we comfort one another as You comfort us. See our marriage through to the very end, when everything is made right. Amen.