“Now Jesus’ mother and brothers came to see Him, but they were not able to get near Him because of the crowd. Someone told Him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to see You.” He replied, “My mother and brothers are this who hear God’s word and put it into practice.” (Luke 8:19-21 NIV)
Mommas, slip your feet into Mary’s sandals for a moment and imagine if this scene played out with your own son. Mary, the mother of God, surely had earned a front-row seat to any of Jesus’ miracles. She deserved royal treatment and a back-stage pass, right?
I wonder if Mary was hurt by her Son’s remarks? I know that if I walked any sort of long distance to see my son only to have him publicly snub me, I’d be more than miffed. I’d be mad, and maybe even tempted to meet with the lawyer to redraft my will. (I’m kidding, mostly.)
I think it’s safe to assume Mary was hurt by this interaction, especially when we examine this same scene in other gospels. Mark lets us know that his mother and brothers were concerned about His well-being. They had heard that He was not sleeping or eating. They arrived on scene with concern and even accusation “He’s out of His mind” (Mark 3:31). And then Jesus’ response had to be hard to hear: “Who are my mother and my brothers?” (Mark 3:33, Matthew 12:48) Ouch.
Mary had good reason to be hurt, even though her Son was perfect and acting within the will of God. Even still, I’m quite sure she was wounded by her Son’s words and actions. But you know what is remarkable? She stayed with Jesus. She didn’t give in to her big, ugly feelings. She stayed close to Jesus despite her hurt.
Over the years, I have met so many people who used to attend to church. I’m not even kidding, if I had a nickel for every person I encounter who tells me “I used to go to church.” I’d probably out-earn my actual salary. And they always tell me, the history comes out the moment they find out what it is I do for a living. Then, when I ask them what happened, they all say the same thing in some form or fashion: “I got hurt.” The details vary: it was the pastor or the board. What the deacon’s kid did or said. How the building project was promoted. The church choir’s nosy nature, or their aloofness. The way so-and-so handled such-and-such. Someone said or did something that was offensive or hurtful. They say they “got hurt” but the truth is, they are still hurt. Years or even decades later. Their decision to leave the church has not lessened their injured state.
And I get it. I’ve been hurt at church, too. Honestly, I’ve probably been hurt at church more often and more deeply than at any other place on earthly. Partly because I’m most vulnerable at church, partly because I tend to expect a little more out of believers, and most probably because I spend more time at church than any other place than home. (Truth is, I’ve been hurt there, too, but I keep going showing up on the doorstep.)
Mary, the mother of Jesus, is a remarkable example to us in the area of church hurt. Mary endured so much pain in the hands of a holy God: a hijacked life and body. An unexpected pregnancy and accompanying shame. The fear and horror of an un-attended birth in a cave or stable. The middle-of-the night flight to Egypt with a toddler. A three-day frantic search for her misplaced tween. Her pride and joy; full-grown Son living like an unskilled, homeless man. And then this public disowning.
Mary had been hurt by the church in ways you and I have never known, yet she refused to go home. She would not give up on God’s will for her life. She would go on to endure her Son’s accusation, arrest, false imprisonment, phony trial, flogging and execution. She would cradle the body of her dead boy and wonder how it could possibly be God’s best. The pain Mary experienced ‘at church’ was unfathomable.
If anyone had valid reason to walk away from the agony of relationship with Jesus and His body of believers, it was His mother. And yet, she didn’t. She refused to be put off by the high price of intimacy. She gladly payed it and pulled even closer.
I’m always amazed when we get to the end of the gospels and Mary the mother of Jesus is still there, at the foot of the cross. Most of the disciples had long since abandoned their Teacher, but Mary – the one whom the cross hurt the most – could not bear to abandon her Son in His deepest hour of need. Sh could not allow Him to suffer alone.
“Near the cross of Jesus stood His mother, His mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene.” (John 19:30 NIV)
Consider Mary’s response to profound hurt and please reconsider your own.
The ugly truth is; we are going to get hurt at church. It is inevitable. Jesus was without sin, and still His righteous words and actions inflicted pain upon His mother. How much more so will imperfect people wound one another as they attempt to accomplish the work of the gospel?
Decide today what you will do with your wound.
Will you go home and give it time and room to fester? Let me tell you, you won’t heal at home. You’ll only get and stay stuck.
Instead, choose to stay engaged with the church. Read your Bible. Pray. Worship with God’s people. Allow the Spirit to tend to your wound. Stay close to Jesus, as His mother did, and let His presence heal you whole.
Lord, we get hurt as we follow You through a broken world as broken people. Please help us respond to pain rightly; to take it straight away to You. Keep us engaged in the work of the gospel because You are still the only hope for humanity. Amen.