“Then the mother of James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came to Jesus with her sons. She knelt respectfully to ask a favor. “What is your request?” He asked. She replied, “In Your Kingdom, please let me two sons sit in places of honor next to You, one on Your right and the other on Your left.”
(Matthew 20:20-21 NLT)
I know a woman (perhaps you do, too) that has invested all she has in her kids. Lock, stock and barrel. Her whole life is wrapped up in her children. She’s done a great job with them, each of them are truly wonderful young people. But suddenly they are all grown up, gone away and married, starting families of their own. And she is utterly undone. My heart hurts for her and I pray that the Lord will meet her in her distress and prove Himself to be her everything.
As a mother myself, it’s easy to see how this could happen. These little people entrusted to us are so consuming! They arrive fresh heaven and practically perfect; then it seems they start growing from the moment you get them home. Their growth gains momentum and then they’re toddlers, requiring constant attention and supervision. They hit preschool and the flurry of questions sets in. Why, why why? (We never know how much we don’t know, right?) Elementary years arrive and fly by before you realize they’re over; a storm of school projects and legos or Barbie dolls and parent-teacher conferences. The moody middle school years set in and you wonder if your kid will ever like you again. (We *think* we still like them? Perhaps this is when we really start to pray in earnest?) High school years crash in with perceivable force and now your nearly-grown child is gone almost all the time; busy with academics, sports, special interests and friends. Maybe they even get an after school job and then they leave when the sun comes up and come home long after it’s gone to bed.
Raising people is preoccupying and frenetic right up to graduation day, when we stand with their childhood memories in hand wondering where it all went. We blink and it’s over. Next thing we know they’re climbing into a sturdy used Buick and driving off into their future.
If we aren’t careful, we can lose ourselves in the vortex of raising another human being.. or three… or more.
I look at the mom of James and John; the mother of the Sons of Thunder and try to imagine how overwhelming it would have been to raise those boys. They were clearly her whole world; thunder demands one’s attention. The problem is, when she finally fell at Jesus’ feet, she was still so busy being mom that she asked the wrong thing. She requested special treatment of her grown children, asked that they would possess positions that could only be accessed through suffering. She didn’t realize the enormous price of what she was requesting, or she surely would not have thrust her precious children toward it.
This mother’s encounter with Christ made me think. If we get one ask with Jesus, how will we spend it? I recall the psalmist’s one request:
“The one thing I ask of the Lord – the thing I seek most – is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, delighting in the Lord’s perfections and meditating in His Temple.” (Psalm 27:4 NLT)
I’m not saying stop praying for your kids. I am not implying that a mother’s faith life excludes petitions on behalf of her children. I am simply pointing out how in the throes of raising little people, we can neglect the nurturing of our own divine relationship. This woman forfeited her time in the presence of Jesus to her kids. She could have asked for anything, and her best ask would have been for still more of Him.
If we spend the whole of our life on our offspring, what will we have when they test their wings and fly away? I suspect our empty nest will ring loud with our choices. If instead we spend ourselves on God, I suspect we’ll find a fresh and pure wellspring of love and wisdom for our kids when they have need. We’ll model the life in Christ we long for them to possess. As we are sourced, we will be a source for our children as well.
“Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” (1 Corinthians 11:1 NIV)
Lord, help us keep proper perspective as we raise these precious people. May we come to You first for our own need, and then present the needs of our children. You are our Source, not just theirs. We all find what we need in You. May we invest in our relationship with You that will far outlast our season of hands-on parenting. Amen.