“You must give me the firstborn of your sons.” (Exodus 22:29 NIV)
Our son turns twenty today. No birth minute kisses for this favored boy. He was extracted in the fourth watch, after as many hours of labor as he is old. His entry into this world was fraught with pain and fear, but mothering his heart has been easy and rewarding for the most part. Letting go is a lot like giving birth; a few fierce squeezes plus the passage of time. Today marks his first birthday where we’ve been apart. I’ve never been great at letting go.
Yesterday’s reading in Exodus reminded me: firstborns belong to the Lord. If I reach way far back in my mind’s eye, I can retrieve a fuzzy image or two of his dedication service. Pastor Tom parading our tiny bundle around a sanctuary full of family and friends. We all made commitments that day. How could I have known what we were laying hold of? The promises we were making? I was merely a circle round the sun older than our boy is now. How could I fathom what it means to turn a son over to the unseen hands of a holy God?
I find solace in unlikely source material. A famous father’s memoir echoes my sentiment.
“We prepare our children to go off to school, and then they have the nerve to actually leave. They come home for a couple days, get their laundry done, and spend more time with their friends from high school than they do with us. It’s torture, really. We’re proud, we’re worried. Concerned that they won’t be able to get along without us – then we’re shattered when they do.”
(No Time Like the Future, Michael J. Fox)
As I consider our own son’s exodus from the safety of our nest, I think of another Son setting out into a world that He and His Father had created. It’s interesting; God doesn’t ask us for anything He hasn’t first done on our behalf.
“You must give Me the firstborn of your sons.” (Exodus 22:29 NIV)
“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son…”
(John 3:16 NIV)
He dedicated His firstborn for our sake. Let that sink in. He sent the darling of heaven to a world of dust and danger. He entrusted His most cherished person to a teenager amidst a new marriage.
What He asks of me pales in comparison.
I gather my courage and turn my twenty year old boy into the Father’s far more capable care. I trust His plans for our pride and joy. I believe His love for my baby far exceeds my own.
“Mary took Him to Jerusalem to present Him to the Lord.” (Luke 2:22 NIV)
Lord, today I turn my son back to You. He has been a gift on loan for a little while, but I recognize he ultimately belongs to You. I entirely entrust Him back into Your care: confident that You can parent his heart far better than I ever could. Tend to him. Draw him into Your presence. Shape his future as only You can. Have your way in his story, for You glory, good Father. Amen.