“They were saddened and one by one they said to Him,
“Surely you don’t mean me?” (Mark 14:19 NIV)
Our personal propensity for sin should sadden us. When Jesus laid out His allegation, the mood of the room changed. Each disciple immediately grieved his own potential for transgression. We hear their individual heart search happen as they one by one inquire of their Savior: surely you don’t mean me?
Yesterday we discussed how we each have tremendous potential for trespass. Today we grieve that reality. It makes me sad; how quick I am to judge, to justify, to insult, to well up with pride or anger. It hurts my heart to realize how drawn I am to stuff and how susceptible I am to the opinions of others. It saddens me to consider my love of comfort and ease, my loud desire to look out for my own best interest.
Listening to the conviction of Jesus and looking within is the right response to such scripture. Pride assures us; we are complete – wholly sanctified and awaiting the reality of our heavenly citizenship. Humility reminds us where we’ve been, what we’ve thought and what tragedies we are truly capable of. Humility helps us search our hearts and look for all the potential betrayals: the leanings, the motives, the habits and hangups. Humility reminds us that we still need intimate, ongoing relationship with the living Savior if we have any hope of being a Kingdom success story.
“So I find this law at work: although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law, but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man am I! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God who delivered me through Jesus Christ our Lord! (Romans 7:21-25 NIV)
Our freedom from the ongoing temptation of sin is found in relationship with Jesus Christ. He is the means by which we get close to God. The more honest we are with our Savior about our spiritual condition, the more help we receive in the battle against our fallen flesh.
I say this all the time, but it’s so important I’m going to go ahead and repeat it again. Jesus knows our stuff. Nothing in our story is hidden from Him. Even our most shameful thoughts and terrible secret actions – He’s already fully informed. Hiding it is as pointless as Adam and Eve taking cover with fig leaves in the Garden. Full discretion is far more productive: when we share our shameful ugly with God, He can heal it!
“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord and He will lift you up.” (James 4:7-10 NIV)
Lord, You know what we are capable of. Remind us today, how deeply we need You. May we take the time to search our hearts and see clearly the deceit we are most prone to. Let this simultaneously grieve and humble us. May it lead us into daily confession and repentance; a tool so powerful because it cultivates our hearts for deeper relationship with You. Help us resist and reject our flesh instinct to run and hide. May we instead, stay and confess, finding the hope and help we require in Your healing presence. Amen.